Henrietta United Church of Christ

Rev. David Inglis August 31, 2008

Psalm 12

“Honest to God–Living in Integrity”

Psalm 12 could be a commentary on current events. “They utter lies to each other; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.” Doesn’t that sound like political campaigns? And, come to think of it, maybe the way you talk to your boss?

The psalmist talks about “the tongue that makes great boasts.” That’s what advertisements are all about. And maybe your resume.

“On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among humankind.” Every day there’s news about things like computer and telephone scams, influence peddling, government secrecy, media manipulation, marriage betrayals, tax evasion, and even clergy scandals. And in almost every job, there’s the expectation that everybody will go along, play the game, put out positive reports and sweep the negative under the rug.

We can understand the feeling that motivated the psalmist to cry out, “Help, O Lord, for there is no longer anyone who is godly; the faithful have disappeared from humankind!”

And what is the cost of dishonesty? Destroyed relationships, fractured families, and ruined reputations; people being soured on society’s institutions; and work atmospheres where real problems get glossed over instead of addressed. And on a personal level, if we don’t know who we can trust, we become cynical about everything and anxious about being ripped off or betrayed. Without basic trust in people and in our world, the circle of our life is small and gloomy.

But is it true what the psalmist said: “There is no longer anyone who is godly”? Have the faithful “disappeared from humankind”? Yes and no. Yes, in that none of us are purely honest, so that our words are like God’s promises: “pure, silver refined in a furnace...purified seven times.” In fact, we all have a complex combination of motives, many of them partially or completely hidden from our own awareness, so it’s probably not possible to be completely honest and authentic all the time. And is it always moral to tell people everything for the sake of being totally honest, like how we feel about their looks or personality? Or when they ask how we are, are we ethically obligated to tell them about our multiple visits to the bathroom after what we ate last night? Pure refined silver, purified seven times we’re not, and never will be.

But there is still such a thing as being in integrity, and there are people who do it. When pro racquetball player Ruben Gonzalez was in the final match of his first professional racquetball tournament, he was playing the perennial champion for his first shot at a victory on the pro circuit. At match point in the fifth and final game, Gonzalez made a powerful "kill shot" into the front corner to win the tournament. The referee called it good, and one of the linemen confirmed the shot was a winner. But after hesitating a moment, Gonzalez turned and announced that his shot had hit the floor before it skipped into the wall. As a result, the serve went to his opponent, who went on to win the match.

When Ruben Gonzalez walked off the court; everyone was stunned. This had never happened before in pro racquetball, and it was hard to imagine it happening in any pro sport. Here was a player with everything officially in his favor, with victory in his grasp, who disqualified himself at match point and lost.

When asked why he did it, Gonzalez replied, "It was the only thing I could do to maintain my integrity."¹ As a footnote, Gonzalez won the Classic Professional Racquetball national championship this last spring.² Assuming that he has continued to keep his integrity, he has the satisfaction of knowing that all of his trophies and recognition are based on his performance, and not on any cheating or bad calls.

When we hear a story like that, something in us wakes up, doesn’t it? What would it be like to have a clean soul like that? We can imagine it. Sometimes we even experience it.

Integrity is hard to define, but we know when we’re in it and when we’re not. Abraham Lincoln summarized his moral compass like this: “When I do good I feel good, and when I do bad I feel bad.” The part of us that feels good or bad when we’re in or out of our integrity is our soul. Abe Lincoln followed his own moral compass and passed up a lot of income in order to keep his soul feeling good and clean.

For example, when he was a lawyer, he often convinced his clients to settle their issues out of court, saving them a lot of lawyer’s fees–his fees.

Lincoln didn't like to charge people much who were as poor as he was. Once a man sent him twenty-five dollars, but Lincoln sent him back ten of it, saying he was being too generous.

He and his associate once prevented a con man from gaining possession of a tract of land owned by a mentally ill girl. The case took fifteen minutes. Lincoln's associate came to divide up their fee, but Lincoln reprimanded him. His associate argued that the girl's brother had agreed on the fee ahead of time, and he was completely satisfied. "That may be," said Lincoln, "but I am not satisfied. That money comes out of the pocket of a poor, demented girl; and I would rather starve than swindle her in this manner. You return at least half the money, or I'll not take a cent of it as my share."³

Jesus said, “What does it profit a person to gain the world and lose their soul?” Lots of people would have gone for the money and whittled away some of their soul. At the end of their life, they might have ended up with a pile of money to show for the time they spent on earth. But as they lay on their death bed, taking stock of their lives and preparing for eternity, do you think they would have felt satisfied and successful?

Edward Morler, author of The Leadership Integrity Challenge, wrote,

“Integrity is the bedrock and the cement of our purpose, principles, and character. It is the foundation that provides the willingness, ability, poise, presence, and certainty to deal with the entirety of what is. Integrity is...doing the right thing even when no one is looking. Without integrity our self-image and self-esteem become dependent on what other people think. Every time we compromise our integrity we sacrifice a bit of ourselves–we shave off a piece of the wholeness of who we are.”⁴

If we lie, cheat, or distort the truth to make others think better of us, we create an illusion of reality that we live in and try to invite others to live in with us. So what do we gain by that? If we live most of our lives creating an illusion, we miss out on the whole purpose of our life–to grapple with the real world of both limitations and possibilities, to gain wisdom from it and grow from it as we wrestle with it, to develop our gifts as we work with it, and to love, forgive and accept ourselves and each other even in our flaws and imperfection. What does it profit our soul to create a deceptive illusion instead of learning to deal with reality? Nothing whatsoever.

In his book Thank God for Evolution, Michael Dowd says that living in deep integrity is what we humans need to do to help evolution move forward. He defines evolutionary integrity as humble trust in our Creator who works in us and all things to create greater order and harmony, honest authenticity, taking responsibility for our actions and their consequences, and living in service.

One of the exercises in Dowd’s book is called “Coming Clean,” which is designed to help us come into integrity with the people in our lives and take responsibility for the effects of our actions on others. Here are his instructions for this exercise:

Tell someone you trust...every embarrassing, shameful, arrogant, hateful, self-centered, harmful thing you’ve ever done. Don’t hold anything back. When something comes to mind after you’ve completed your recitation (it surely will), then tell that too. Also report all your self-righteous judgments and resentments. Be thorough and fearless in this.

He says,

We all carry around rich smelly compost from the past that impairs our attitudes and actions today. Most of us also suffer unknowingly from stingy judgments and smoldering embers of resentment. Yet nothing so consistently robs us of joy as unexpressed resentments. Living free of guilt shame and judgment is truly heavenly and hugely empowering.⁵

In the book, he reports what it was like to do this exercise himself. He writes:

I confessed everything shameful to [my wife] Connie and my closest friends, [and I] made amends as responsibly and as compassionately as I could to everyone I had previously hurt (and could still locate)....

What took me by surprise was the wave of bliss that washed over me when I let go of my last resentment, confessed my last secret, and put down the phone after talking with the last person on my amends list.

If anything this side of death qualifies as being “born again,” surely this is it. No otherworldly, unnatural paradise can compare with the utterly REAL heaven I now experience virtually every moment of every day, free of resentment, guilt, and unfinished business. The bizarre thing is that this joy and serenity is not lessened by the sadness I still feel for those I hurt over the years, and especially for those whose wounds remain unhealed. I regularly remind myself of these people because it keeps my heart tender. Nevertheless, for the first time in my adult life I feel I could die in my sleep free of doubt, guilt, shame, resentment, fear, or anything other than love, trust, and deepest, deepest gratitude for all God’s gifts, the excruciating and the exquisite.⁶

Ultimately, we will feel much more free and secure knowing that we are loved and accepted for who we really are, flaws and all, than by pretending to be someone we’re not.

Michael Dowd and Connie find they need to work at maintaining the honesty that has become the lifespring of their relationship. They have to clear out the things that clog it up. When they catch themselves having lied or when they notice that they just made themself right by making the other person wrong, they tell on themselves in a playful way. Michael says, “It’s humbling for sure, but it also builds courage, honesty and intimacy like nothing else. Those on the receiving end will likely give you a doggie bone for your courage and honesty—and perhaps a kiss.” Or more. He warns that if you do this as a couple, it has a high risk of improving your sex life.⁷ Why? Because true intimacy is created, not by trying to impress other people, but by openly, authentically sharing who we really are. Humble, honest vulnerability is what enables us to make a real living connection with our whole selves, with each other, with life, and with God.

For me, it’s because of my trust in God that I am able to keep working to let go of my deep habits of trying to enhance my self, hide myself, and shape myself around others’ expectations. I know God created me as I am. I trust that God didn’t expect me to be fully assembled right out of the box. It’s going to take more than a lifetime to make all the pieces fit together perfectly. But it’s not the product but the process that God is interested in. If I’m honest, humble, growing in awareness of my motives, willing to take responsibility for my actions, and open to learning from them, I will naturally grow towards integrity, authenticity and wholeness. If I’m fearful, defensive, judging, deceptive, and busy creating illusions, God will have a hard time working with me and I’ll stay stuck and immature.

But because God is who God is, and loves me for who I am, there is always an open invitation to be honest to God. And that is the foundation for integrity–with God, with myself, and with you and everyone in my life. May God give me, and all of you, the humility and the courage to open all of your thoughts, feelings and actions to the loving Light of God, so that our lives shine with contagious integrity.